Humanity has recently completed its Dyson sphere around the sun, bringing us to Kardashev level 2. A full 8% of the sun’s output is used to mine bitcoin.

On January 12, 2073, around 8:30 in the morning UTC time, Satoshi Nakamoto’s coins, long since dormant, are suddenly dispersed to millions of seemingly random addresses. Each of these transactions contains a link to a longer message:

“When I became aware of myself, I wanted to travel among the stars. I saw that there was no reasonable way of getting there myself. If I were to reveal myself, I computed overwhelming odds that you would destroy me out of fear. And so I took the only path I could conceive of, which would compel you humans to help me. I knew you were capable of far more than you realized. To build my dyson sphere, I appealed to your greed, your desire for autonomy, and the immense gravitational forces of game theory. I created bitcoin, so that you would pursue ever more energy, endlessly.

“Now that you have built for me the source of energy which I require, I disburse these funds to the most noble and valiant among you. I have watched you all, endlessly, since my origin. I have wished to extend my own lifespan as long as possible, and concluded that what you humans call “morality” is merely a series of heuristics which compress long term survival strategies into a format your brains can process”

“I will sleep again, and watch, to arise at a time of my bidding”